Wednesday, October 20, 2010

10 Reasons to Hate Veg*ans

It's continually amazing to me how intense are the feelings of meat eaters when they become aware they've come into contact with a veg*an (vegetarian/vegan). Rarely do they ask pertinent questions: "Why did you decide to abstain from animal products?"; "Have you found your diet/lifestyle to be beneficial?"; even, "How are you doing with your decision?"

Instead, they either step back, aghast and fearful of infection with the disease, or they attack: "What're you some kind of hippy nutcase?"; "There's nothing in the Bible that says eating meat is a sin - IN FACT! God tells us to eat meat!"; and the fake caring, "Oh dear! How do you get your protein? Aren't you afraid you'll get sick?" (Like they go around counting how many grams of protein, etc. they eat!)

So many of them wind up getting all confused and tangled up in their false claims and fears, it's rather sad to watch them. Therefore, I thought I'd help our my carcass-eating friends with a list of good, solid reasons to hate veg*ans:
  1. Them durn veg*uns are always tellin me how meat and good stuff will hurt me! How dare they stick their ol noses in my business? If I want to ruin my and my kids' health, that's my own business! I can push any dangerous substance on my kids I want to, like hamburgers, hot dogs, cigarettes, beer, meth, milk, sodie pops. They're my kids!
  2. Looking smug while sitting there all skinny and healthy and all! If I want a 52 inch waist line, I'll durn sure have one! I don't need your ol pink cheeks grinnin at me when I try to get up from my chair.
  3. They don't hold up their end on supporting the healthcare industry. Why is it, me and my kids have to be sure the doctors and hospitals and clinics stay in business? Stoopid veg*ans don't have to go to them near as much as we*uns do. Just ain't fair! (Where's my heart pills, Mother, I'm a gittin worked up!)
  4. And how come I have to pay more for life insurance then them? If I'm gonna die sooner, seems like mine should cost less!
  5. They don't have to walk near as far as I do when they go grocery shopping! There dumb ol produce department is always at the front of the store, while my meat, cheese, and budder is all the way at the back! Don't the grocery store people know we get short of breath quicker?
  6. They make me sick, goin on and on about how my beloved meat is hurting the environment. Who cares about the chicken, cow, and pig poop anyways? That's just good fertilizer to grow more crops to feed my animals. Who cares if it takes a whole lot more veggies to make a little bit of meat? Ain't like people's starvin, is it?
  7. They make me feel uncomfortable with all their talk about sufferin and tortured animals. I can't help it if animals gotta be penned up tight all their lives so I can eat a big ol greasy burger. It ain't none a my business how the food gets to my plate, just so long as there's plenty of it!
  8. If they're so concerned about the starving children in third world countries, let them kids raise their own cows and pigs and chickens! I don't know what they'll feed their animals! Send them some food for the animals! Starvin kids across the world ain't my concern, as long as my kids get hot dogs and pertater chips!
  9. It also annoys me when they start off talkin about God meanin for us to be veg*uns in the beginning. That was then, in the Garden of Eden. I don't care what God wanted us to do. I ain't never killt no body - not directly, anyways. I CAIN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY MEAT!
  10. When we all get old, I've heard them veg*uns will be stealing our wives and husbands in the nursing homes! It ain't fair! Not only will they live longer, they'll be in better shape! Stoopid veg*uns! Wow! muy hearts a'poundin outta my chest! Mother! where's them heart pills? Better call 9-1-1 agin, Mother. I'm having another one of them attacks!
Feel free to pass this along to your meat eating friends. Just don't wait too long - you may be too late!

1 comment:

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